To truly learn a language does not mean learning just the rules and sentence parts, but getting a feeling for beauty and meaning. Language is a vast sea of cultural ideas, creative expressions, and complex meanings. To handle these intricate and powerful ideas, and to get to the beautiful, meaningful nature of language, what's most needed is art, not structure. Learning a language is really learning the art of conversation.
People who learn languages well are usually not so good at grammar; but they are always very good at conversation. They know the art of conversation, a skill that involves basic human qualities: an interest in people, the ability to listen carefully and ask good questions, and a degree of personal warmth. That is the art.
This human art of conversation is not easy to teach. Grammar is much easier, since it is condensable into worksheets and right and wrong answers for tests. Grammar has a definite starting and stopping point, and can be handled with efficiency and order. Art, however, is subjective, messy and undefined. Art takes a long time to set up and get going, and is hard to stop just because the bell rings for the next class.
Most speaking books give short conversations, so students get the idea that conversations are maybe ten lines long! Here's a typical textbook example:
Maria: Excuse me, can you tell me where the Smith Building is?
Ken: Sure, go down this street to the stoplight, then turn right and it's straight ahead.
Maria: Is it a big building?
Ken: Yes, quite big. You can't miss it.
Maria: Does it have "Smith" written on it?
Ken: I'm not sure. Listen, I'm going in that direction. I'll just show you.
This kind of practice conversation is about grammar practice. It's not very interesting.
In contrast, real conversation can be endless. I have a friend who always asks me question after question when I talk with her. I forget I'm even talking because she can create a flow of exchange that never seems to stop. She says things like:
That's interesting. I never knew that.
What do you mean by that?
Where did you learn about that?
Why do you think so?
I wonder why that is.
How did that happen?
She also tells her opinion and little stories, too, but the conversation with her always remains fascinating because she knows how to converse. Textbooks could include more interesting phrases and endless conversation examples, but they almost never do. Grammar is easier to teach than art.
In school systems and large educational institutions, conservative administrators and lazy teachers always dislike "art" of any kind because it is so hard to handle. When budget cuts are necessary, as they often are, art is always the first subject to be removed, while "serious" subjects like math, history, economics or science are preserved. Teaching grammar is more like those "serious" subjects. Teaching grammar involves its own kind of mechanical technique. Almost anyone can do it. Teaching the art of conversation is truly an art, and very, very rare.
To participate in a conversation, we need to know how to create our own mini-conversations. This has to do with some universal human values rather than memorizing rules or knowing structures. Conversation is an art that rests on an ability to give and take, to be honest and clear, and to feel pleasure in the exchange of language. The best conversationalists express a delight in exchanging viewpoints, making jokes, hearing what another person really believes, and considering the world from another point of view.
When we study grammar, it is not that kind of experience. Grammar study is a way of stepping out of the conversation and looking at its structure from outside. That is not a bad thing to do for scientists or specialists, but it does not help continue and create the ongoing human conversation. The art of conversation involves being inside the language. The understanding that conversation is an art, a practical art inside the language, is essential to becoming a conversation artist.
This understanding connects to the attitude that conversations are good opportunities to learn something, feel something, and express something. People who communicate well are able to make their entire person present in the conversation. They talk not with their brain or grammar skill, but with their entire being. You know how it is when you are talking with someone, but they are just not listening, and keep checking their cellphones or looking at their watch. It's irritating. The art of conversation demands that you be fully involved in the conversation.
What makes a good conversationalist? Of course, knowing some grammar rules helps, but only knowing the rules helps you very little. Instead, conversation involves a few easily learned techniques such as conversation starters, topic changing phrases, follow-up questions, or open style questions. A few idioms can help, and for English, the ability to interrupt helps a lot, too. Some non-verbal 'tricks' like looking more directly in people's eyes if they are from western countries, nodding one's head to signal "I am listening," and responding quickly also help to keep conversations going.
Mostly, though, the art of conversation is built on real questions that come from natural curiosity. Some people are really good at getting you to talk and keep talking. That is not a fake ability, but a genuine interest in knowing more, learning more, hearing different and unusual ideas, and being unafraid to express one's own thoughts. Good conversation grows out of curiosity and is continued through confidence. That can be a bit scary at first, but is exciting as well. Conversational artists know how to get past the grammar rules to open people up, explore ideas, discover feelings and enjoy language.
Great artists, like great conversationalists, know how to keep talking in interesting ways because they know something more than just rules. The real problem with grammar is that it always closes off discussion and communication. It stops conversation from happening because once the right answers or perfect sentence is found, everything stops. Students get to the end of the ten lines of textbook conversation and they do not know how to keep going. They answer a question, but then stop, and do not respond more.
That is not the fault of students, but of schools not teaching how to respond more. What a different language classroom it would be if everyone were supposed to become great artists of conversation rather than perfect test-takers. If schools thought of language more as an art of dynamic exchange than as a static set of rules, then students would find it much more beautiful, human and meaningful, and they would come to love the art of conversation.
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